How to not have good e-book sales

Most people consider me to be a close-mouthed person. A coworker once said that I’d be married for six months before anyone even knew I had a boyfriend.

I guess it’s true that I can be a little secretive. Not that people would suspect that when they are reading a blog where I share my thoughts with the world.

But I am keeping a pretty big secret from family and friends.  I’ve been writing for ten years. Well, it’s probably a lot less when you subtract those months when I wasn’t writing because I was in meltdown mode, sure I was the worst writer to ever create an account on Amazon Kindle.

Regardless of how long I’ve been at it, only two people know about my goal to make a living as a writer. And that creates a bit of a problem with the e-book sales. I’ve read a lot of advice (that I mostly haven’t followed) on how to sell more e-books.

One way to increase sales is to tell family and friends so they can buy my books, leave reviews (which are important), and spread the word about the books. I have absolutely no plans to get book sales that way. I’m concerned about how people who know me will respond to my books.

In case you haven’t personally experienced this, family and friends are big on brutal honesty. I don’t think I can handle that. It’s one thing to have a total stranger ask, “She got paid for that?” It’s another thing to get that from loved ones.

It could take weeks – maybe even months – to recover from the devastation of having someone close to me say unflattering things about my writing. There would probably be weeping involved. And since my female lead characters are pretty similar to me, they might also be crying. No one wants to read a book  about a constantly sobbing woman.

So I’ll have to remain a secret writer. Then one day, my books will be on the best sellers list, and no one will know because I use a pseudonym.  That’s when I’ll tell everyone the truth so they can be suitably impressed.

A loving family member or friend will likely look at me and ask, “You got paid for that?”

And then the weeping will begin.

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